Wednesday, 3 February 2010

Once You Decide It Shouldn’t Be Said

You shouldn’t say it! For a long time I liked someone, but never once spoke of it to anyone. I don’t know what made me like him or why I feel for him, but I did. There were other things going on around me so I tried to downplay it and didn’t really even admit it to myself. I liked someone else anyway, and was more pursuing that. I decided that it would be one of those unsaid crushes, and that he never needed find out, nor would anyone else.

Anyway, I harboured this for a long time. I talked to him while he had his problems and spoke of how he now saw things. Because of his attitude to relationships and stuff I couldn’t ever really see it working, so I just let him continue to speak the way he did. I thought anything I might of tried doing to change his mind wouldn’t work. So instead of even opening up the box so that it would have to be dealt with I decided that I wouldn’t even say it out loud. It hurt hearing him saying all these things and talking about this girl like she was everything I could never be. Almost perfect. I simply thought I’d never match up to that so I shouldn’t try.

So that’s almost two years ago, or just over. I don’t really pinpoint when I start liking someone. Things happened, life moved on. But I still had a bit of a liking for him. I thought it would be a good idea to tell him. Even though him and a friend basically had a thing going on, early days. I just wanted to say it. I was tired of keeping it a secret. I finally wanted to be acknowledged. Probably because he was acknowledging someone else. When it was me who had sat there for almost 2 years and listened to him pine after another woman. But, it went no further, nothing changed. Only they did.

OHAI AGAIN BROKEN HEART </3

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