I've been pretty quiet lately, and that accounts for all areas of my life. I've not been online and I've not really been talking to many people. I just feel very private lately, that's probably a result of what's been happening. Nothing is really steady, but nothing is really going anywhere. I'm always here and there with anyone that's close to me. Mostly with one person. But I can't ask for anymore than I have, I already shouldn't have done what's been done. Though I don't regret it. It felt right, it was wonderful and it took almost 7 and a half years to get there. That's a pretty big build up to something, no?
He is staying with her though and I fully understand that's where his obligations need to lie. He's invested a good chunk of his life in her and they actually made it so far to be together. I hold no claims over him simply because I have loved him since I was 14. It doesn't stop me feeling like I should have though. Part of me feels I should be number one and she shouldn't matter. It's not the case. It won't be the case. She means a lot to him or they would have never got engaged. I have to accept that and I have. Not what I want though. I got more from him lately, and he decided that it has to stop. He made the move to say it. I know it has to, but I still don't really want it to. I don't want him doing anything he may regret though. I don't want to be simply a regret, a mistake. I would love to repeat what happened, again. He knows that, and he feels the same, but we can't. Simply can't. It's not fair. On anyone.
I could have done it again last night. In a heartbeat.
No comments:
Post a Comment